Welcome to the West Bank...Now go back

Disclaimer: The following post is mine and mine alone and does not necessarially reflect the ideas of my employer, government or the people or Organizations named in the post. Names of others have been changed to prevent any cross referencing although I'm sure it's already been done.

Ahlan wa Sahlan fee Amman. Greetings from Amman.
Yesterday, my friends and fellow recruiters, "Mike and Ann" decided that since we had an off day between travel that we would go to Jerusalem, Al Quds, The Holy City, The Dwelling of Peace. I admit that I was very excited about the idea of going to Jerusalem. As a person raised in a non-Catholic Christian faith, it is the one place that ties the stories, heritage and land back to the life of Christ. I was also filled with some fear that I was going to be depressed at the idea of loss of life and strife created by and for the peoples of the three Abrahamic faiths over this land, generally to each other. What I was not expecting, was the reality of what I experienced first hand. I guess I must first say that prior to yesterday I had little sympathy for either side in the current conflict. That is not the case anymore.
The three of us left our hotel at around 9 in the morning and took a special cab that is allowed to go all the way to the King Hussein bridge, one of only two lawful entry points for US Citizens into the West Bank. Once there we processed our exit from Jordan and got on the shuttle bus to take us to the entry station in the West Bank. That trip of about one mile, across the Jordan River, took about an hour and a half. As one of only three entry points into the West Bank from Jordan, it is also host to many tour groups, UN relief convoys and Palestinians returning home from Umrah in Saudi Arabia. All of these vehicles have priority of entry over individual day visitors, so we had to wait.
On arrival into the occupied West Bank, we were greeted not by Palestinian immigration personnel; rather by mirrored sunglass wearing, M4 Carbine toting, humorless Israeli security forces. The entry building was in a state of disrepair; Indian, Pakistani and Bangladeshi porters labored to organize all the flotsam and jetsam of a people coming back from Mecca with gallons of Zamzam water, luggage, assorted boxes (taped, wrapped, roped, tinfoiled, twined, warped and cajoled into what could I suppose could be considered "luggage") of clothes, food, shisha, Gucci sunglasses and white leather sandals. There were also many foreign "pilgrims" coming to see the sights of the Holy Land. Indonesian muslims, British christians, Korean baptists, Japanese tourorists, Greek Orthodox Priests from Cincinnatti, Southern Belles from the US with more luggage than brains; all mixed together with Palestinians (Christian, Jew and Muslim) just trying to go home.
After getting through the luggage check we stood in a long line to get "qustioned". "Ann" went before me, and as discussed, she requested to not have her passport stamped with the Israeli entry stamp. For those of you who don't travel or who live under very large rocks, Israel is not the favorite country of many of its neighbors and regional cousins. For those of us who routinely travel to places such as Joradan, Saudi Arabia, Oman, UAE, Bahrain and Lebanon for work puposes, having an Israeli stamp in your passport is pretty much guaranteed to deny you entry. With what seemed like litte issue, "Ann" was finished and left to the taxi waiting area. I immediately followed her to the same agent while "Mike" was beside me at another booth.
My passport is almost full of stamps. I have had two sets of extra pages entered. I've been to many countries all over the world for my employer. What ensued for me was a frustrating game of mental chicken with at least 7 different Israeli government, military and intelligence types. First I was asked by the woman in the booth about my travel to Oman and UAE. Page flipping. What about Saudi? Why do you go there? Page flipping. Explain the Lebanon stamps. Why did you have to pay the first time? Page flipping. Why did you not pay last year? Why don't they charge you anymore? (note: sometime between 2005 and 2009, Lebanon stopped charging US citizens an entry fee) Page flipping. What is your last name? Where is your family from? Have you ever lived in Germany? What did you do in Frankfurt? How long did you stay? Where were you going? Page flipping. Chat in low voice with booth-mate. I was then asked to go fill out a form. From behind me another rude guy asked me not very politely to have a seat in the waiting rooom where I would be questioned.
12:00. Seating area, 8 Arabs, Greek Othodox Priest's wife (also American but born in Jerusalem) and me. From the time we got on the bus on the Jordanian side of the river it had been three hours. For those of you who are familiar with my patience levels and ability to withstand large amounts of unexplained stupidity, you may have expected to see me on CNN by now. I stayed unnaturally cool. It took effort. 8 Arabs are released. "Mike" arrives in waiting area. I discuss Greek Othodoxy in the Toledo area with the woman. "Mike" is called for an then relased after about 10 minutes. 20 minutes later the woman is released and very kindly asks if I want to leave a message for my friends. I asked her to tell them to wait another 20 minutes as the line seemed to be moving pretty well but that if I was not out by 2:00 pm to just go without me.
2:00. A girl, maybe about 19, came to ask me some more questions. What is my job? Where do I live? What am I doing in Jordan? Where are you staying? What do you do at the University? Is that why you travel? Is all this travel for work? Why did you go to Frankfurt? Why are you getting so red? Please put that chair down............
2:30. Clearly intelligence guy. Mark? Your passport will be ready soon. What were you doing in Kazakhstan? Did you take pictures of the former KGB, now SVR headquarters using a blond Lebanese woman and a small bearded fellow who looks distractingly like Hugh Laurie as props to make it look like you weren't? Why do you call Tottenham Hotspur the "yids"? Okay, maybe those last questions didn't occur, but I had lots of time time to make stuff up in the metal, non-reclining, mental ward waiting chairs.
3:15. FREEDOM! Lee Corso: "Not so fast, my friend!"

"Mike and Ann"; Mike having been a Ranger, Paratrooper and famed Redleg like myself, had followed my last transmitted order and when I did not appear at the rally point at the appointed time, beat feet. Although, as it turned out they waited until 3, so I only missed them by about 15 minutes. He and I discussed the following of orders and contingency plans at our AAR back at the hotel later over chicken schwarma and pepsi later that night.
So I'm now officially in Israel, I mean Palestine, I mean the West Bank. Shit....where am I? 5 and one half hours. Thats how much a German surname with Lebanese stamps in your passport will cost you. 330 minutes.
3:30 I have no money. I don't know where my friends have gone. Trying to find them in Jersusalem will be stupid. Sir, why are you doing push-ups? Can I help you? I asked to go where the busses are to go back to Amman. Why? Don't you want to enter Israel? IhavenomoneymyfriendsaregoneandIjustwanttogoback. Sir, why are you getting red? Sir, please stop doing curls with the ladies Zamzam water........
4:00 4th Israeli in 30 minutes asks why I'm just sitting around. This one has a gun. An M4 Carbine. A gun I am familiar with. A gun I have used. He's holding it and standing in the same exact way we were taught to hold it and stand with it when I used to stand and hold one. He had sunglasses. I did not. Mr., what are you doing? Mr., Why is your face so red...... I am instructed to sit and wait. Sir, how can I help you? I just want to go back to Amman. Ok, you can sit here, or you can sit inside. Don't go anywhere else. Can I get a coffee? Sure, but don't go anywhere else, my friend with the carbine really is hoping you will do something interesting, he hasn't got to pop an American yet.
4:30. Money Exchnage in Passport Control Terminal back to Jordan. I have 38 Jordanian Dinars and 18 Omani Riyals to my name. Can I exchange these Omani Riyals in schekels? We don't take those. You don't like them? Do they take schekels? Nobody else takes schekels, what about these J.D? Do you want to pay the tax? What tax? The exit tax. What exit tax, I never entered! You have to pay exit tax. Suck my beard. What? Schekels look weird. Do you want to pay the tax? Want to? Why is your face so red?......
Paid exit tax. 38 JD. $53, which will be the last $ I ever spend in or for anything from Israel. I now don't even have enough JD to pay for my ride back to the other side of the border. It's only a mile. I'll walk. Sir, what are you doing? I'm leaving. You can't do that. What, leave? No, walk. Yes, I can. See I'm doing it right now. No, you have to go in a bus. But I don't like to go in a bus, it smells bad and its smaller than an airplane. What? Nevermind. Sir, why is your face so red?......
5:00 Arrival back to Jordanian border. Passport checked and returned. Bus guy wants his 4 JD. Money exchange still open. 12 OR = 19 JD. Give 4 to bus guy. Liter of water. Kit-kat. 3 JD. If I don't catch "Mike and Ann" here when they come back I'm walking back to Amman....I should have worn my running shoes.
Day started at 9:00 at Jordan Border: 8 JD to leave, 4 JD for bus to West Bank, 38 JD to leave West Bank, 4 JD for bus back. 8 hours, 54 JD, absolutely nothing accomplished. I sit and wait.......
7:15. "Mike and Ann" return. Stories exchanged in cab. Find out "Mike and Ann" are questioned by Israeli security forces when they go to leave. They are told I am still there. Mike tries to give them money so I can get back. They say don't worry, they will get me back. I had left two hours prior.
Find out that this happens to American citizens all the time. We have no recourse. The Embassies in Amman, Cairo, and Beirut are helpless. Stop supporting this kind of harrasement with your money.

Balian of Ibelin: [to the people of Jerusalem] It has fallen to us, to defend Jerusalem, and we have made our preparations as well as they can be made. None of us took this city from Muslims. No Muslim of the great army now coming against us was born when this city was lost. We fight over an offence we did not give, against those who were not alive to be offended. What is Jerusalem? Your holy places lie over the Jewish temple that the Romans pulled down. The Muslim places of worship lie over yours. Which is more holy? The wall? The Mosque? The Sepulchre? Who has claim? No one has claim! All have claim!

Stay thirsty my friends....