Have you ever tried to create a podcast?  It has been one of the worst experiences of my life.
Well then you ask, why are you doing it?  The answer is because I wanted to be a cool uncle.
Or Grunkle.  Like Grunkle Stan from Gravity Falls.  Except I'm Grunkle Mark.

I don't see the resemblance as I am not a Mason and I can't grow the five o'clock shadow. Maybe a five day shadow.
So at the beach this year, I was talking to my nephew Gunter about soccer, one of his favorite topics, and after he schooled me on all his knowledge on stadia names, top scorers and other various bits of data, I decided that I a podcast might be entertaining and fun.  And since I had been dragging my feet on the Gentlemen of the Road Podcast with my good friend and frequent travel buddy, Mike Wigal, I thought this would be a great time to get off the schnide.  I was extremely wrong.
Let me see if I can adequately explain what I have so far had to do to try and publish this thing.
Record our voice track on Audacity, transfer audio track to i-movie to try to get it on you-tube, then get rejected by you tube because there was no video attached to the audio file, try to then publish the audio file to itunes, then have to create an RSS, and website for the RSS feed to house the file to create the itunes account.  This is horrible.  And I haven't even finished it yet.  Wish me luck.

Welcome to the West Bank...Now go back

Disclaimer: The following post is mine and mine alone and does not necessarially reflect the ideas of my employer, government or the people or Organizations named in the post. Names of others have been changed to prevent any cross referencing although I'm sure it's already been done.

Ahlan wa Sahlan fee Amman. Greetings from Amman.
Yesterday, my friends and fellow recruiters, "Mike and Ann" decided that since we had an off day between travel that we would go to Jerusalem, Al Quds, The Holy City, The Dwelling of Peace. I admit that I was very excited about the idea of going to Jerusalem. As a person raised in a non-Catholic Christian faith, it is the one place that ties the stories, heritage and land back to the life of Christ. I was also filled with some fear that I was going to be depressed at the idea of loss of life and strife created by and for the peoples of the three Abrahamic faiths over this land, generally to each other. What I was not expecting, was the reality of what I experienced first hand. I guess I must first say that prior to yesterday I had little sympathy for either side in the current conflict. That is not the case anymore.
The three of us left our hotel at around 9 in the morning and took a special cab that is allowed to go all the way to the King Hussein bridge, one of only two lawful entry points for US Citizens into the West Bank. Once there we processed our exit from Jordan and got on the shuttle bus to take us to the entry station in the West Bank. That trip of about one mile, across the Jordan River, took about an hour and a half. As one of only three entry points into the West Bank from Jordan, it is also host to many tour groups, UN relief convoys and Palestinians returning home from Umrah in Saudi Arabia. All of these vehicles have priority of entry over individual day visitors, so we had to wait.
On arrival into the occupied West Bank, we were greeted not by Palestinian immigration personnel; rather by mirrored sunglass wearing, M4 Carbine toting, humorless Israeli security forces. The entry building was in a state of disrepair; Indian, Pakistani and Bangladeshi porters labored to organize all the flotsam and jetsam of a people coming back from Mecca with gallons of Zamzam water, luggage, assorted boxes (taped, wrapped, roped, tinfoiled, twined, warped and cajoled into what could I suppose could be considered "luggage") of clothes, food, shisha, Gucci sunglasses and white leather sandals. There were also many foreign "pilgrims" coming to see the sights of the Holy Land. Indonesian muslims, British christians, Korean baptists, Japanese tourorists, Greek Orthodox Priests from Cincinnatti, Southern Belles from the US with more luggage than brains; all mixed together with Palestinians (Christian, Jew and Muslim) just trying to go home.
After getting through the luggage check we stood in a long line to get "qustioned". "Ann" went before me, and as discussed, she requested to not have her passport stamped with the Israeli entry stamp. For those of you who don't travel or who live under very large rocks, Israel is not the favorite country of many of its neighbors and regional cousins. For those of us who routinely travel to places such as Joradan, Saudi Arabia, Oman, UAE, Bahrain and Lebanon for work puposes, having an Israeli stamp in your passport is pretty much guaranteed to deny you entry. With what seemed like litte issue, "Ann" was finished and left to the taxi waiting area. I immediately followed her to the same agent while "Mike" was beside me at another booth.
My passport is almost full of stamps. I have had two sets of extra pages entered. I've been to many countries all over the world for my employer. What ensued for me was a frustrating game of mental chicken with at least 7 different Israeli government, military and intelligence types. First I was asked by the woman in the booth about my travel to Oman and UAE. Page flipping. What about Saudi? Why do you go there? Page flipping. Explain the Lebanon stamps. Why did you have to pay the first time? Page flipping. Why did you not pay last year? Why don't they charge you anymore? (note: sometime between 2005 and 2009, Lebanon stopped charging US citizens an entry fee) Page flipping. What is your last name? Where is your family from? Have you ever lived in Germany? What did you do in Frankfurt? How long did you stay? Where were you going? Page flipping. Chat in low voice with booth-mate. I was then asked to go fill out a form. From behind me another rude guy asked me not very politely to have a seat in the waiting rooom where I would be questioned.
12:00. Seating area, 8 Arabs, Greek Othodox Priest's wife (also American but born in Jerusalem) and me. From the time we got on the bus on the Jordanian side of the river it had been three hours. For those of you who are familiar with my patience levels and ability to withstand large amounts of unexplained stupidity, you may have expected to see me on CNN by now. I stayed unnaturally cool. It took effort. 8 Arabs are released. "Mike" arrives in waiting area. I discuss Greek Othodoxy in the Toledo area with the woman. "Mike" is called for an then relased after about 10 minutes. 20 minutes later the woman is released and very kindly asks if I want to leave a message for my friends. I asked her to tell them to wait another 20 minutes as the line seemed to be moving pretty well but that if I was not out by 2:00 pm to just go without me.
2:00. A girl, maybe about 19, came to ask me some more questions. What is my job? Where do I live? What am I doing in Jordan? Where are you staying? What do you do at the University? Is that why you travel? Is all this travel for work? Why did you go to Frankfurt? Why are you getting so red? Please put that chair down............
2:30. Clearly intelligence guy. Mark? Your passport will be ready soon. What were you doing in Kazakhstan? Did you take pictures of the former KGB, now SVR headquarters using a blond Lebanese woman and a small bearded fellow who looks distractingly like Hugh Laurie as props to make it look like you weren't? Why do you call Tottenham Hotspur the "yids"? Okay, maybe those last questions didn't occur, but I had lots of time time to make stuff up in the metal, non-reclining, mental ward waiting chairs.
3:15. FREEDOM! Lee Corso: "Not so fast, my friend!"

"Mike and Ann"; Mike having been a Ranger, Paratrooper and famed Redleg like myself, had followed my last transmitted order and when I did not appear at the rally point at the appointed time, beat feet. Although, as it turned out they waited until 3, so I only missed them by about 15 minutes. He and I discussed the following of orders and contingency plans at our AAR back at the hotel later over chicken schwarma and pepsi later that night.
So I'm now officially in Israel, I mean Palestine, I mean the West Bank. Shit....where am I? 5 and one half hours. Thats how much a German surname with Lebanese stamps in your passport will cost you. 330 minutes.
3:30 I have no money. I don't know where my friends have gone. Trying to find them in Jersusalem will be stupid. Sir, why are you doing push-ups? Can I help you? I asked to go where the busses are to go back to Amman. Why? Don't you want to enter Israel? IhavenomoneymyfriendsaregoneandIjustwanttogoback. Sir, why are you getting red? Sir, please stop doing curls with the ladies Zamzam water........
4:00 4th Israeli in 30 minutes asks why I'm just sitting around. This one has a gun. An M4 Carbine. A gun I am familiar with. A gun I have used. He's holding it and standing in the same exact way we were taught to hold it and stand with it when I used to stand and hold one. He had sunglasses. I did not. Mr., what are you doing? Mr., Why is your face so red...... I am instructed to sit and wait. Sir, how can I help you? I just want to go back to Amman. Ok, you can sit here, or you can sit inside. Don't go anywhere else. Can I get a coffee? Sure, but don't go anywhere else, my friend with the carbine really is hoping you will do something interesting, he hasn't got to pop an American yet.
4:30. Money Exchnage in Passport Control Terminal back to Jordan. I have 38 Jordanian Dinars and 18 Omani Riyals to my name. Can I exchange these Omani Riyals in schekels? We don't take those. You don't like them? Do they take schekels? Nobody else takes schekels, what about these J.D? Do you want to pay the tax? What tax? The exit tax. What exit tax, I never entered! You have to pay exit tax. Suck my beard. What? Schekels look weird. Do you want to pay the tax? Want to? Why is your face so red?......
Paid exit tax. 38 JD. $53, which will be the last $ I ever spend in or for anything from Israel. I now don't even have enough JD to pay for my ride back to the other side of the border. It's only a mile. I'll walk. Sir, what are you doing? I'm leaving. You can't do that. What, leave? No, walk. Yes, I can. See I'm doing it right now. No, you have to go in a bus. But I don't like to go in a bus, it smells bad and its smaller than an airplane. What? Nevermind. Sir, why is your face so red?......
5:00 Arrival back to Jordanian border. Passport checked and returned. Bus guy wants his 4 JD. Money exchange still open. 12 OR = 19 JD. Give 4 to bus guy. Liter of water. Kit-kat. 3 JD. If I don't catch "Mike and Ann" here when they come back I'm walking back to Amman....I should have worn my running shoes.
Day started at 9:00 at Jordan Border: 8 JD to leave, 4 JD for bus to West Bank, 38 JD to leave West Bank, 4 JD for bus back. 8 hours, 54 JD, absolutely nothing accomplished. I sit and wait.......
7:15. "Mike and Ann" return. Stories exchanged in cab. Find out "Mike and Ann" are questioned by Israeli security forces when they go to leave. They are told I am still there. Mike tries to give them money so I can get back. They say don't worry, they will get me back. I had left two hours prior.
Find out that this happens to American citizens all the time. We have no recourse. The Embassies in Amman, Cairo, and Beirut are helpless. Stop supporting this kind of harrasement with your money.

Balian of Ibelin: [to the people of Jerusalem] It has fallen to us, to defend Jerusalem, and we have made our preparations as well as they can be made. None of us took this city from Muslims. No Muslim of the great army now coming against us was born when this city was lost. We fight over an offence we did not give, against those who were not alive to be offended. What is Jerusalem? Your holy places lie over the Jewish temple that the Romans pulled down. The Muslim places of worship lie over yours. Which is more holy? The wall? The Mosque? The Sepulchre? Who has claim? No one has claim! All have claim!

Stay thirsty my friends....

Transfer Window Aftermath

So the transfer window has come and gone and on the whole I have to say I'm pretty pleased with the results. We lost Cesc, who was always going to be hard to replace, but ended the annual Favreish indecision with a good financial result. Let's hope the Gunners can do as the Packers have in moving forward.
We got rid of two players who think so much of themselves but provided no sustained effort in Nasri and Bendtner. Both were outspoken and generally did not contribute to the harmony required of this team's motto. Also, the Nasri deal had to be done. To get that much for him in his last year was a coup. Bendtner's on loan, so maybe he'll learn something about this club and what it means to be a teammate at the Stadium of Light.
We brought in two solid, world class, national team capped defenders in Santos and Mertesacker, who coupled with Vermaellen and Sagna, I think will provide an imposing, organized defense in front of our ever improving bat-crazy young keeper. Well done, but with the funds remaining I would have like to have seen another player in Samba, Dann or the elusive Cahill to add that bit of depth we sorely lack at times.
In the midfield the coupling of Benayoun and Arteta is pure magic. I look forward to seeing how they gel, instruct, and mold our younger quality midfielders. Provided Benayoun stays healthy, I wouldn't be opposed to trying to keep him at the end of the year. Again, with cash available even after all those signings, we could have used another player here. I will admit as an American and a Gooner, the prospect of having Clint Dempsey make a London switch would have put me over the top. His physical play under mental control and Texas heart would have made this fan extremely happy.
As for the forwards, we lose Bendtner and bring in Park Lee Kim. Hopefully he will get to be a KATUSA when he goes back for military duty in two years. The prospect of him sitting in some dirty, forlorn northern outpost near the DMZ eating canned kimchee and cleaning his rifle strikes me as a little silly. I really hope this motivates Chamakh to get back into a little of the form that made him our best scoring opportunity until RVP returned last season.
Now on to the big question that seems to be the major topic of the day after: what the hell took so long. Stubborn Arsene? Board interference? Or is it as Piers Morgan suggested on Fox Soccer Channel's, Goals on Sunday last week after the ManUre beating, that Wenger is lost without David Dean. That Wenger holds on too tight because he can't make decisions about players. Is that what took so long to pull the trigger yesterday and why we got Arteta at the death?
I also have another suspicion that the players themselves are involved in the delay. Why did we ultimately get Arteta? According to Moyes, he couldn't turn down the Champions League exposure. Were players waiting to sign all summer to see if we would make it to the CL?
Were they waiting to see what the Fabregas/Nasri situation would do? Not sure but at least worth a shot. See you for Swansea, lets hope nobody gets hurt this weekend.

New Beginning

So this morning things are looking pretty bleak on the Arsenal front. Perhaps I picked a bad day to start a new blog. I changed the name and the design and seeing how I hadn't posted on here since 2007 it was needed anyhow.
8-2. 10 Goals. Could have been 14 from both sides, honestly. I thought our offense looked pretty dangerous or at least artful in the first half. Should have had the penalty, Robin. Captain. Leader.
All credit to De Gea, it was a great diving save but in all fairness RVP's attempt was much like the performance in total, a little lacking in vigor. Not sure the penalty or Arshavin's bungled breakaway would have changed the end result, highly doubtful really.
I don't want to rehash the whole thing. It was a team that was outmatched and outclassed. There can only be one thing to blame. We simply need players. Strong, experienced, reliable, and dare I say it, older players. They are out there to be had. Cahill can be bought. Mertesacker can be bought. Schweinsteiger can be bought. Samba can be bought. We have the money, we don't have the will. Arsene's only flaw is that he is too much of an economist. His valuation of players based on age, ability, age, potential resale value, age and birthday will be the downfall if not corrected.
My best friend suggested securing the services of Henry after the MLS season. I say, why wait. Red Bulls are in a free fall. Thierry can't be happy losing, get him now. The fact of the matter is we need help and need it immediately.
I am two weeks out from seeing the Gunners v. Swansea. It will be the fourth game of the season and we will have four players suspended, most likely no Jack Ramsey, and I have the chance to see our first win, first home goal and fist game without a red card. Or I may see Wenger get sacked. Which if we loose to Swansea may happen. I hope not. I think Arsene has earned the right to leave on his own time. But a failure to spend the money this team has just earned from Champions League/Nasri/Fabregas will be unexcuseable. Yes, we will have to overpay. Yes, you are getting bent over a barrel. Yes, its humiliating. So is 8-2, which if something is not done we will see a lot more of this year.

Madrid

I have made it to Spain.
Mike Wigal and I (see his blog to the left) had an unveventful flight and arrived in Madrid with no problems. Driving is interesting with a lot of traffic circles and we got lost in the largest underground tunnel system I have ever seen.
We did touristy stuff the first night and staying in a youth hostel. We were in a 14 bed room. Do you like the smell of old socks and beer?
We went to the markets and saw alot of street perfromers but had to run back to the hostel for forgotten cameras (mistake #1) and by the time we returned they were gone. All except the Bolivian folk band outside the Puerta del Sol metro station. They were all that was left of a number of interesting mucial performers that were in and around this "Sol" area. We did manage to get some cool pictures and even had a couple "small beers" and tapas bocadillos (ham sandwhices on french rolls) while watching the Real Madrid futbol team on the TV with the locals. Tapas bars are a big deal in Madrid and they are excellent. It's very common to see the hog legs hanging in the Tapas windows where they cut it right up for you. We had lunch at a place like this that was kind of interesting because you get to eat right out on the street. Madrid has a very cafe style life. Many people are alwasy out eating and drinking on the sidewalk cafes. Our sidewalks are too small in American to allow this. Tomorrow we are going to finish in Madrid and heat to the real Toledo. One of the first things mike and I saw when we pulled in Madrid was the Plaze del Torros. We heard the bull fights are Sunday night....

The Best Show on TV

No...not "Dancing with the Stars". "No Reservations with Anthony Bourdain" on the Travel Channel. Some of you may recognize him from the Top Chef series on Bravo. This series tracks his travels around the globe visiting friends, eating new foods and generally having a great time. I know the show appeals to me for the things he gets to experience and see, as well as the good foods. But generally, I just like his style. He's funny, brash, a little bratty and just plain comical. The show follows his travels and hilarious misadventures between visits to the best restaurants and some out of the most out of the world locations.
Best episodes: Beirut (Emmy Nominated), Korea, New Jersey
Enjoy!!

Murderball!

I have a new favorite movie to add to my list. Murderball! Its essentially a documentarty that follows the American rugby team for parapalegics. The game they play does not resemble rugby in anything but name, but they have rugger spirit and what they do while confined to wheelchairs is amazing.
This film is inspiring, funny, sad, and hopefull. One of the best sports movies I've ever seen.
See the trailer at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_kaT5dDiISw